Guilt
by Kate Anderson
Summary: Play With Fire spoilers. Catherine's guilt over what happened is somewhat eased. Sara/Grissom


TITLE: Guilt  
  
AUTHOR: Kate Anderson (kateanderson@thirdwatch.net)  
  
RATING: PG  
  
SPOILERS: Play With Fire  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters of CSI or anything related to the show. If I did - I'd be rich.  
  
  
--------  
  


Was there something that she could have done differently? She had been over and over it in her mind. Replaying scenarios, torturing herself with what ifs. 

What if you ignored procedure even further and not placed the unknown liquid under the fume hood? 

What if you had checked the hot plate and seen that it was on? 

She had paid her dues and found herself sitting beside Greg's bed for long hours. Long hours during which she should have been home with her daughter but she found her guilt too overwhelming to contend with. The guilt somehow lessened if she sat with Greg. 

People tried to tell her, "Catherine, it wasn't your fault. I would have done the same thing." But all she had to do was look at the cuts on Sara's face and hands or sit with Greg and the guilt bubbled up inside like acid. 

Grissom was probably the worst. He wanted to pretend that it had never happened and go about business as usual. He would offer her a raised eyebrow - something which she had come to think of as the Grissom equivalent of a smile - and assign her to a case. 

She would work the case, acutely aware of her actions. Never mind contaminating evidence, she had hurt her friends and she wasn't going to let that happen again. She found herself compulsively checking lab equipment, scrutinzing it with her eye, looking for defections. Even the smallest thing, like a nicked wire would catch her eye. 

"Hey Cath, how's Greg doing?" Sara asked one day. Catherine was tempted to tell her that if she was so concerned, perhaps she should pay him a visit herself. 

"Better." she replied and bit her tongue. "And your hands?" 

Catherine eyed the cuts on Sara's forehead which had all but faded into nothing. "The stitches will be out in a few days." Sara replied and stared at her hands. 

Catherine nodded, seemingly relieved that Sara was still talking to her. Their conversation was a bit strained, but that was to be expected. "You should drop by and see Greg." Catherine suggested, letting go of her tongue finally. 

Sara's eyes seemed to hold a far off gaze, as though she weren't quite in the lab. "Greg." she said, nodding her head. "Sure, I'll stop by after work." 

"He'd love to see you." 

Sara waved about the folder that she was holding in front of herself. "I gotta get this to Grissom." she said and before Catherine could utter another word, Sara was off like a flash down the hall. 

Catherine stood rooted on the spot, bathing herself in the breeze from Sara's departure. Had skid marks shown up on the floor, Catherine would not have been surprised. As she stood there, she remembered that she had wanted to confer with Sara on some evidence, but Sara's Greg question had driven that thought from her mind. 

Catherine gathered her wits and headed for Grissom's office. She hoped that Sara would still be there, for tracking down Sara wasn't high on Catherine's list of things she wanted to do. Her heels clicked on the floor as she hurried towards the office. 

The door was closed, which struck Catherine as being a bit unusual. There was no note on it, saying that Grissom was gone and would reappear in five minutes. She raised a hand to knock before shaking her head. He was probably just racing his bugs and didn't want them to escape. 

Catherine grabbed the handle and turned it. Her mouth dropped open as she looked at what lay beyond the door. Racing bags, this definitely was not. The folder that Sara had brought for Grissom was not in his hands, rather it lay on the floor and what was in Grissom's hands was something else entirely. He appeared to be enjoying it much more than he would a folder. 

"Oh, um, er..." Catherine said, wishing that she had knocked. 

"Oh no." said Grissom. 

Sara merely coughed and pulled her shirt down. There was an awkward moment of silence before Catherine decided to just say what she had come there to say. "Sara, I um...wanted to let you know that I've logged the evidence for the Hunter case..." 

"Thanks Cath." Sara said and smiled amiably. 

Catherine wondered when the change between Grissom and Sara had taken place. She was almost positive that they weren't this close before...before she had blown up the DNA lab. 

She backed out of Grissom's office, closing the door behind her so that Grissom and Sara might continue to race bugs. Perhaps her actions that led to the explosion weren't all bad. If her explosion had brought Grissom and Sara together, well then, maybe the guilt would subside and she would be able to sleep at night. 

Catherine smiled for the first time since the accident. She wanted to thank Sara, but first she had some hot plates to check. 


End file.
